Coming “Out”

Keeping It Queer
By Erica Chu


Coming “Out”

October 11th was National Coming Out Day. Most people I meet know I’m not straight, but here’s my confession: I haven’t told anyone I’m genderqueer.

Well, there you go. Maybe you don’t even know what that is, and for now, I’ll just say it’s a kind of transgender identity. My heart’s racing even as I write this—I’m new to saying it to myself let alone others, and I also hesitate to commit to a label. It makes me nervous to come out in public, but I’m putting myself through this exercise because lately it’s become all too apparent that LGBTQAIs need to know they’re not alone.

In the past several weeks, seven young people have committed suicide, and all seven were being harassed because they were gay. Reading what little is available about their lives and deaths is heartbreaking and has left me wondering what I can do. Many have participated in vigils, suicide prevention events, and have promoted organizations like the Trevor Project. Others, like Dan Savage, have turned to internet forums like YouTube to share stories about how we can make it through the hard times.

Gender identity and sexual orientation are sensitive areas for many children, teens, and adults, but there are as many sites of conflict as there are kinds of people and types of personal expression. People are discriminated against and sometimes taunted everyday on the basis of things like economic status, clothes, body size, accent, language, ethnicity, disability, hobbies, interests, and so much more.

I can attest to the fact that it’s been hard. I was told repeatedly that I was not feminine enough. I was mocked, called names, and spit on because I was too quiet, not white enough, and not “American” enough. I was made to feel ashamed because I didn’t weigh the same and dress the same as everybody else. As an adult I often face derogatory comments, unfair treatment, and judgmental attitudes from strangers, peers, and even family. I’ve been depressed. I’ve considered suicide.

Though mine is a common story, it shouldn’t be; children should not expect to go through this and worse. The adage “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” fails to account for the many who die despite their strength. In the past few weeks, seven people died because the world treated them like they weren’t wanted. Whether it’s because people think they’re too fat, too brown, too loud, or too gay, this is unacceptable.

We tend think of ourselves as underdogs because as LGBTQAIs we’re a minority class. We watch Glee and think that because we root for the unpopular kids we’re safe people, but bullying doesn’t end when we’re not in school anymore. Office gossip, email, Facebook, texting, and blogs like People of Walmart give people of all ages the opportunity to judge, belittle, and devalue individuals and types of people. The sad thing is we’re rewarded when we log in, giggle, and pass it on: we assert our membership in the “in” crowd.

Being a part of the “in” crowd isn’t worth it. We’re not in high school anymore, and it wasn’t even cool then.

Gloria Anzaldúa writes about el mundo zurdo—the left-handed world—which is home to all the queers, misfits, and outsiders the “in” crowd rejects. Being a part of this kind of outsider community is difficult because everyone is so different, but what can hold it together is the knowledge that the “in” crowd isn’t always right. It’s an easy thing to forget—especially when it seems so natural to make fun, to laugh, or to say nothing when someone reveals their judgmental attitudes.

Being LGBTQAI is one thing, but to come out as an ally to all kinds of misfits and rejects is about practicing justice and doing good more than claiming a label. Being a member of the “out” group means being a safe person and making every environment you’re in a safe space.

So let’s go ahead and come out, tell our stories, and remind others that they’re not alone. Things will get better, and life does get more manageable. The world can even get more welcoming…one person at a time.


Erica Chu is a student at Loyola University Chicago and is seeking a PhD in English with a concentration in Women Studies and Gender Studies. She manages the blog keepingitqueer.blogspot.com and can be reached at ericachu@msn.com.