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Sunday, March 13, 2011

Combating Bullying by Affirming Variation

Keeping It Queer
By Erica Chu

Combating Bullying by Affirming Variation

In my last column I talked the root causes of anti-gay bullying: the policing of gender norms. Whether it’s chastising your sister because her eyebrows aren’t tidy enough or teasing your friend because his jeans are a little too feminine, enforcing “normal” gender standards on others does nothing but limit the potential happiness of others and the possible range of human expression. We who are LGBTQ understand what it’s like to be pressured into being something we can’t or don’t want to be, so as we think of what must be done to prevent anti-gay bullying, we have to start creating an environment that accepts all kinds of gendered expressions: from showtune-singing men and toolbelt-wielding women to men in heels, women with facial hair, and people with all manner of clothing, hair, ways of looking, being, and talking about themselves.

Despite these insights, the lingering question for many responding to the recent increase in attention to bullying is “Why is anti-gay bulling the central concern?” The short response is it shouldn’t be. Bullying has been a very serious problem for all kinds of people for quite a long time, and it has played a central role in many people’s experience with depression, suicide, and violence. Most kids taunted with anti-gay slurs never end up identifying as LGBTQ—this kind of bullying damages straight kids too. Expecting young people to be and act like a very limited standard of masculinity and femininity is constraining and costly even for those who pull it off.

Maintaining an image is difficult, but it’s something we all end up doing (for good or ill) whether it’s trying to act straight enough, gay enough, masculine, feminine, or some other kind of normal enough. When we can’t pull it off, we’re bullied or we’re reminded in more subtle ways that we need to try harder.

As an adolescent, I was rarely bullied with anti-gay slurs, but I was often treated like I was too fat, not pretty enough, not white enough, not American enough, not Chinese enough, too strange looking, not rich enough, too religious, too smart, too weird, too goofy, and basically not normal enough. For every person, the list is varied in content and length on what we supposedly need to work on to be more acceptable in the world.

Our cultural obsession with normalcy is what causes judgment, which then leads directly to bullying. If we want to stop bullying, we must stop striving after normalcy, stop trying to enforce normalcy on others, and start accepting and affirming variation.

Variation is good. Weirdness is good, and failing to affirm others in their departure from the norm (no matter how weird it seems to you) is just as bad as telling them they shouldn’t be gay because heterosexuality is normal.

The end of bullying may seem along ways off, but we can start now by making sure we’re not supporting the logic bullies use. The next time you start thinking “That is so weird/ugly/too ___/not ___ enough,” challenge yourself to affirm the choices of others. Don’t give up the battle to stand up for the outsider—even the battle taking place inside your head. If you can change your own mind, you’re on your way to changing the world.


Erica Chu is a student at Loyola University Chicago and is seeking a PhD in English with a concentration in Women Studies and Gender Studies. They manage the blog keepingitqueer.blogspot.com and can be reached at ericachu@msn.com.

The Roots of Homophobia

Keeping It Queer
By Erica Chu

The Roots of Homophobia

A few months ago, the suicides of several young men caused us all to take pause. Some have argued that bullying is an inevitable part of growing up, but the stakes are too high for such easy dismissal.

The world has responded to what we’ve labeled “anti-gay bullying” with campaigns encouraging youth to make it through the difficulties of adolescence so they can experience the happiness that comes after. As much as these encouragements are helpful, some among the LGBTQA community have pointed out that waiting is not an option, and the happiness that comes after is often laced with a whole lot of other difficulties.

Change needs to happen now, but how do we stop anti-gay bullying?

The first step in bringing about change is to reexamine the question. Why is anti-gay bullying our central concern? What about bullying against people because they’re perceived as “too ugly,” “too fat,” “too weird,” “too foreign,” or in some other way too different from the imaginary norm? The gay community of course has an interest in anti-gay bullying, but it’s important that we realize that bullying is the problem—a problem neither limited to gay folks or to young people.

I recently heard Riki Wilchins, a noted writer and activist, give a presentation about the damaging consequences of gender policing. She pointed out that when kids use words like “fag,” “gay,” “sissy,” or “pussy” to taunt each other, it has nothing to do with sexual orientation but rather gender. Adults and children use these kinds of words to correct their peers about meeting the common expectation of masculinity, and the ideal masculinity has less to do with the gender of a male’s sexual partner and more to do with the colors he wears, the inflection of his voice, and the ways he relates with others. Yes, sexual orientation is a part of that masculine ideal, but the bullying is centered on masculine behavior, not sexual orientation.

Whether gay or straight, all kinds of people are confined and damaged by the rigid gender roles perceived as ideal or acceptable, and most of the time we don’t even know we’re being damaged.

Gay people are typically able to express their gender identities in more fluid ways than straight people, but often we don’t even think about the gendered options available to us. What underwear do you wear—boxers, briefs, panties, or thongs? What kind of jeans or shoes do you wear—those in the men’s section or the women’s? If you’re male, have you ever thought about growing your hear long or wearing eye liner? If you’re female, have you ever thought about shaving your head or growing out your facial hair? For the most part, we just accept the gendered boundaries enforced on us. Women shouldn’t have beards, and men shouldn’t wear bras. Why? Because that’s the way it’s always been.

Something the gay community needs to understand is that if we’re going to stop anti-gay bullying, we need to stop policing gender. Sandy Woulard was killed in recent months because she dared to transgress the boundaries of expected gender norms. I would hope you are not likely to engage in ruthless violence and hate, but do you trashtalk those who do not meet your expectation of what a man or woman should do? Do you use words like “tranny,” “dyke,” or “queen” to enforce your gender ideals on others?

As much as we try to eliminate hate and bullying in our own lives and behaviors, our assumptions about what’s “normal” tend to creep in. Be brave enough to admit when you bully others with your actions, words, expectations, and assumptions. If everyone could do that, this world would be a hell of a lot better already.

I’ll return to the topic of bullying in the context of race, class, body type, and ability in my column in two weeks, but in the mean time, I hope that as we fight anti-gay bullying we realize that fighting bullying on the basis of gender expression should be our top priority.


Erica Chu is a student at Loyola University Chicago and is seeking a PhD in English with a concentration in Women Studies and Gender Studies. They manage the blog keepingitqueer.blogspot.com and can be reached at ericachu@msn.com.